The question that cracked me open — and what I found on the other side

A few months after my husband passed away, I hit a wall. The initial shock had worn off. The numbness had started to lift just enough to let something darker in. I wasn't living. I was existing. And some days, barely that. I knew I needed to find a reason to get up. Not for my children—though of course they needed me. For myself. Because a mother running on empty is not really present for anyone. So I started building again. I am a builder by nature—I always have been, even as a child. I create things, connect people, and make things exist that didn't before. It's not what I do. It's who I am. And going back to it was my way of finding the thread back to myself.

But here's the thing about grief. It doesn't just take the person. It takes your sense of yourself, too.

I realised this when I was trying to introduce myself in a Facebook group and completely froze. Everyone else seemed to know exactly who they were. And I had nothing. Not because I'm nobody—I have built businesses, raised four children, lived across countries, and survived things I never thought I'd survive. But I had spent so long being someone for others—wife, mother, daughter, friend—that I had never asked the question for myself.

Who am I for me?

I cried when I finally asked it. Because I didn't have an answer. And then I went looking for one. Quietly, honestly, without performing it for anyone. And what I found was this: I feel most like myself when I help someone who needs it. Not for applause. Not for a title. Just because it fills something in me that nothing else reaches. That was always there. I just hadn't given myself permission to claim it as mine.

So that's the tip—if you can call it that. In the middle of grief, when everything feels like it belongs to someone else or to the past, ask yourself that question. Not who you are for your children. Not who you are for your family or your community. Who are you for yourself? The answer might surprise you. It might make you cry. It might be the thing that gets you out of bed.

And on that note — if you are in Dubai on 9th June, HerSphere is hosting a small, informal gathering called "I Have Something to Say…" in collaboration with People of Future. No agenda. No structure. Just honest conversation, coffee, and people who get it. Free to attend, everyone welcome.

RSVP here